Benjamin asked me what we should do on our three years which is next Saturday and because I’ve been so heavily indulged in my university work (which by the way, I finish my first semester tomorrow, yay) I totally forgot to plan.. I told him he should be the one planning and he’s afraid I won’t like his plans, but I have a good feeling he’ll do my feelings justice (: 

Three years is a big benchmark and it’s quite amazing when I look back to see how long I’ve been going out with this boy. I’m going to save all the cheesiness when our three years come but just to let you know what to look out for (epic cheesiness soon).

P.S My first ever haul post will be up by the end of this week. Tell me what products you wanna see me talk about first. Hair? Makeup? 

Lots of love,

V.

I’m rushing a few assessments at the moment, but I need to take some time off just to say how happy I am to be able to get a call from GAP and be asked to be at a group interview this coming Friday. I got a job interview! I’m so so so grateful and thank God for giving me such an opportunity just when I was about to give up. I’m so proud of myself, and even though the chance of me getting it compared to a lot of older and more experienced applicants, I’m happy to know I did something right, spending so much time and effort perfecting my CV. I’m helping with an exhibition this Thursday and so that’s another new line on the CV which I’m so thankful for as well. 

I’m freaking out about the interview, but I’m just going to do my best. Just wanted to share with you guys because I know I’ve complained so many times that I don’t have a job and I really hope I get this one because it’ll be the best starting point. 

Will be here more after this week.

P.S I’m back from Hong Kong and I have a lot of new outfit posts planned up. (:

Till then, x.

I’m officially nineteen and a day old. It’s really amazing when you think about it. I’ve been breathing and living for 19 years! I mean, is that not a blessing or what? 

Everyone takes birthdays for granted. Yeah, it comes once a year, but do we all know how precious life really is? How amazing it is that we’ve been brought to this world? It’s such a joy to be alive! It’s such a joy to be able to celebrate the day you have been born, the day where it represents you living. I feel corny but.. I know how my Mom feels when it’s my birthday. She said sincerely “You’re so old now.. it’s been 19 years, and it just felt like yesterday.” 

To be truthfully honest, I recently found out something about my parent/s which made me kind of hit rock bottom. I always knew my Mom disliked kids and I had a sense that I wasn’t something my parents both agreed to try and have. But when your parents tell you that they weren’t expecting you, that they weren’t actually trying to have a baby, there’s a part of you that actually hurts. There’s so much more to it but it is the internet after all..

But the point is, birthdays are sacred. It marks the beginning of your life. When you die, the most important dates are your birthday and the day you died. It’s just..a blessing. I guess it’s because I don’t have a father figure no more which is why I’m being so emotional about this, but it’s sort of upsetting that your own father would forget your birthday. It’s upsetting to see him used to send parcels to you days before your birthday, then it goes to letters, then phone calls, then emails, and eventually leading to nothing. It’s like, on the one day where I have the right to want to feel loved, I don’t get it from one of the most important people. But, I would like to give a big thank you to everyone who did remember, and to my darling boyfriend. He was being the sweetest to me, extra sweet because it was my birthday, and he’d randomly wash the dishes, offer to cook, the little things you know? Waking up to him whispering ‘Happy Birthday’ to my ears was enough. I didn’t do much for my birthday cause I had a bit on my mind, but I’m thankful for the people I have.

People sometimes feel that I’m making too big of a deal out of this parents-being-divorced thing. I agree, the divorce rates are increasing, and there are so many, so so so many people out there living in a single-parent family (some possibly worse than mine). But a lot of people don’t understand how it feels. To grow up knowing you’d never have a mother/father figure kinda sucks. Mothers and fathers play different roles, and there are just some things that only Dads can say. But I don’t have that. You may not feel like you have something ‘that’ special but I’m telling you, I’m definitely missing a lot without one of them.

So I also want to say, happy Mother’s day to my dearest Mother, for she made it possible for me not to break down when I see my friends and their Dad. I know she tries so hard to play both roles, and although she mightn’t ever accomplish both entirely well, I praise God for her undying strength and as long as I’ve got her love, I’ll learn to be strong enough to handle not getting my Dad’s. 

Thank you Mom, for both choosing to bring me out to this world, and for continually loving me through all my mistakes.

At 12am, my boyfriend said Happy Birthday to me and my dog came into my room to sit next to me. Ngawwww they so cute.

Woke up this morning to a few kisses and more happy birthday’s and I’m very grateful even though I’m still lazying around in bed.

I’m 19, and I still don’t know how to live by myself.

Hello fellow chinos, it’s my 19th birthday in 5 days. I’m going to be nearly half way to 40 and I’m still incapable of cooking myself a meal that doesn’t involve instant noodles. I have the busiest week planned for me and I’m going to be showing you loads of photos. And because it’s my birthday, you’re not going to complain about seeing my face more than-enough once. 

I’m currently rushing an assessment so this will be brief but after Tuesday, I have a 6-day weekend just in perfect time for my birthday and there will be a new nail post, plenty of outfit posts and plenty of me.

I know you miss me, but just hang in there for another two days.

Till then,

x

Today..  I found out the true reason on why my Mom and Dad divorced. Wow. Feels weird typing it out. I watched ‘The Last Song’ tonight on TV and it reminded me of everything.. I’ve learnt to let go. God, I hate this. I don’t know what to do. Don’t know what to feel. I look around and I finally realise why I’ve always been so insecure with guy-friendships or guys in general. I see Benjamin and I thank him so much for giving me so much love, for giving me love that I’ve missed out on, for giving me extra love. So, so, so much love.

I see my bestfriend and I thank him for being such a nice guy and I really really feel so blessed. I don’t have a lot of male figures in my life, and I’m just thankful to have male friends that are here for me to stay even though my father didn’t. There are only four guys I count on, God, Benjamin, Curtis….and you. You will probably never read this, and I don’t think it’s right to tell everyone who you are. I’ve told you how much you mean to me, but.. you don’t seem to care the same. Heh, I just wished you realised how important it was for me, because me counting on you, is one of the biggest things I will ever do. One of the hardest things I can ever do, because the thought of someone leaving me has left me so vulnerable. And I’m freaking sick of people leaving me and I’m sick of people telling me I’m over-reacting because they don’t know how it feels to have people leave you ever since you were four. It really, really, sucks.

But, hey, life sucks, and if my dad can leave me, then you leaving is nothing compared to that. So thank you God. Thank you Benjamin, and thank you Curtis. My male figures, I’m stronger because of you.

In the midst of all my piled up assessments and all-over-the-place feelings, I decided to take a break and make some gold. I wish I lived over a pot of gold and if I were to randomly dig in the yard, I’d find a big big big pot of gold waiting for me. Imagine what you would do with a pot of gold? Or better yet, a chest of it? 

A lovely follower (@dying-ardently) have been keeping me sane for the past 24 hours through my complaints and mood swings and tonight I have a BBQ to go to in which Korean meat is being served. How Australian of us. 

Hoping tonight will clear my mind a bit. In the meantime, how cute are my nails? I’m loving black and gold at the moment.